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Christians and chronic illness - Part 3

Further thoughts about the issues facing Christians who suffer chronic illness…

I’ve said before, that one of the most frustrating and extraordinary aspects of this, is the poor treatment many sufferers of chronic illness at the hands of fellow believers.

On the forum at Leigh Hatcher’s web site it’s a topic that has come up a couple of times. But none so heart rending as in a post late last week.
Here’s the thread in full – the original post (minus her name), my response, then a response from Leigh:

Lady poster:

Since coming out of CFS related depression a few years ago my faith has never been the same I wish my illness had the same effect on me as it has on many others, and it did for a while. But after depression, I kinda felt totally negative and defeatist, like “what are the chances of me being right about all this Christian stuff? I haven’t been right about anything else!” And, in a huge turn around for me, I wanted to take back control of my life, cause I was so scared of where it was going under God’s control. Does that make sense?

Add to this the attitude of people at church. Constant comments that implied if I prayed about it and had faith I would be healed, and when I commented on my frustration about not being able to read the Bible daily, was told that God would give me the strength. So, when I still didn’t feel like it, I decided that either a) I was just ignoring God and too lazy to read it, or b) for some reason God wasn’t giving me the strength- was that my fault?

I know it’s stupid, but comments like “God willing” and “Keep praying” and even “God Bless” now confuse me, when they never have before! Like the fact that God’s in control scares me! If he has the power to take this away, why isn’t he? I know this is a big question about all bad things that happen in the world, and I used to understand the answer. But when it comes to me, I guess I am scared that I am still sick because I have more to learn. But I just feel like I have so much to give (I always wanted to be a missionary) that it doesn’t make sense! Plus, Keep praying implies that I am not praying hard enough or trusting God enough. (My grandfather died of Cancer because he didn’t see a doctor, and was rejected by his church because he didn’t have the faith to heal himself!! OK that’s an extreme!)

When I had my baby 18 months ago, we decided it would be a good time to consider looking around at other churches, as my faith was still really struggling. Although we were honest with what we felt, people became angry because they had made dinners for us and felt that we hadn’t appreciated them- I was so upset, cause I was too overwhelmed and whacked to go to church and personally thank everyone! Anyway, lots of negative attitudes have battered my faith as they have my confidence. I know I should look at God through people at church, but I just found many non-Christians to be more understanding and supportive.

I know Christianity is about a relationship, not about doing things. But I feel constantly guilty that I am not able to DO what I ‘should’. When I have the opportunity to sleep in on a Sunday morning, the last thing I feel like doing is going to church where I will have to smile and say hello to all these people that I don’t really know- it’s exhausting! And I just don’t want to be honest and say I feel like crap! People get a bit sick of that after a few years!!

Anyway having read about the church here, I am very interested, and I know my husband will too So, thank you for just being here. I know you will have some interesting things to say about all this. And of course, I feel I have to apologise for my negativity! (I just have this huge lump of negativity in the pit of my stomach when it come to my faith, well, more like fear! Fear that we are all wrong and this is all there is) But thank you for being a place where Ican be totally honest, without judgement, there’s not many places like this! P.S. I feel guilty constantly for feeling like this because it is soooo important to everyone around me, especially my husband. Anyone else relate to this at all?!

Neil’s response:

Wow, J. – I really appreciate your openess and honesty.
I can totally understand why you feel the way you do. So many people in churches fail badly to understand what is going on in the lives of chronically ill people.
Churches should be places that do understand and support people when they are in deep need. And some do. My wife is the chronically ill one here, and while a few people at church really work at understanding and supporting us, most just don’t try, or get offended when their efforts don’t produce effusive thanks from us (when we are sometimes just trying to survive).

It’s all very confusing and sometimes depressing.
BUT… At the core of all this is you and Jesus.
When he gave his life in place of yours on the cross, his love for you (and us all) that drove him to do that, didn’t depend on what we felt in return.
Yes, we have to make a clear and distinct decision to come into relationship with him, but the fact is, his love for you doesn’t depend on how you feel.
The N.T. is full of promises of that kind. Like John 10:27, 28 “My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand.”

It doesn’t matter how you feel, God’s never going to let you go. It doesn’t matter that you can’t do the things that you know please God. He knows that. He stills loves you and counts you as his.

And you have that wonderful image of the future, a time and place where CFS and all other sickness and disease will cease to exist:
Revelation 21:1-4
‘Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away’

Hang in there J!
There are fellow Christians here who understand, and uphold you before God in prayer.

God bless
Neil A – forum administrator

And finally, Leigh’s response:

Hi J. – what a wrenching post and yet again as with so many others, it’s so great that you have somewhere to go like this and unload and be accepted and understood without being judged and feel even more alienated.

There’s SO much that could be said.. so I’ll try to be brief.

First – Neil made some great points about Jesus – it’s what makes Jesus such a compelling and REAL person for us.

Second – I just can’t for the life of me understand how/why so many within the Christian community miss the extent to which Jesus reached out to those in great need.. yes with salvation but also and hugely with comfort, compassion and healing.

Third – Many churches I think have been conned by secular agendas of growth, numbers and strategy to the exclusion of virtually everything else. They are driven by a good intent to see salvation offered to as many as possible, but I can’t accept that Jesus wouldn’t be greatly distriburbed to see so many in need often so neglected, and even worse, damaged even more than they are already.

Fourth – I’ve had to work hard on acknowledging that people are so often driven by a good heart to see us well again or ‘fixed up’.. the trouble with CFS in particular is that there’re no easy or quick answers. This is again where it would be good for many to acknowledge that God sometimes doesn’t always deal in ‘quick fixes’. In the large sweep of biblical history He is seen over and over again as using the ‘wilderness’, always ultimately for the good of those who are His.

Fifth – connected to my fourth point – even just over the last couple of days, I’ve yet again been reminded of God’s great power, timing, and compassion, as we’re forced to utter dependence on Him alone (as opposed to our own instinctive ‘self-sufficiency’). I’ve had to balance great work/shift work/speaking demands with pretty crook health (onset of flu) and there’s no-where to go but God to say ‘please help me..’ And with such a dependence on Him – I woke on the morning of the worst/most challenging day, yesterday, feeling well again – it was miraculous timing. SO grateful.

Sixth – one of the other challenges for all, including but not exclusively churches, is to recognise that what might be good for one person suffering long term illness, might not be good for another.

Three books that have SUCH wisdom about all this stuff.. and dealing with long term tough stuff that have been great for me are…

‘Where is God when it hurts’. Philip Yancey.
‘How Long Oh Lord’ Don Carson.
‘If I were God I’d end all the pain’. John Dickson.

Here’re just a couple of quotes…
Carson: ‘Anyone who has suffered a devastating grief or dehumanising pain has at some point been confronted by near relatives of Job’s miserable comforters. They come with their cliches and tired pious mouthings. They engender guilt where they should be administering balm. They utter solemn trust where compassion is needed. They exhibit strength and exhort to courage, where they would be more comforting if they simply wept.

Philip Yancey, in researching his book interviewed lots of sick and suffering people.
‘All these people repeated their own versions of the cacophony of voices from Christian ‘comforters’. One amputee told me “My religious friends were the most depressing, irritating part of the entire experience” a pattern that disturbed me greatly. Something was wrong’.
Yancey also says…
‘The kingdom of suffering is a democracy, and we all stand in it or alongside it with nothing but naked humanity.
If you go to the sufferers themselves and ask for helpful words you may find discord. Some recall a friend who cheerily helped distract them from the illness, while others think such an approach insulting.

Some want honest, straightforward confrontation, others find such discussion unbearably depressing.
In short, there is no magic cure for a person in pain.

Mainly such a person needs LOVE, for love instinctively detects what is needed.’ ‘The answer to the question, ‘how do I help those who hurt?’ is exactly the same as the answer to the question, ‘How do I love?’ If you asked me for a Bible passage to teach you how to help suffering people, I would point to 1 Corinthians 13, and its eloquent depiction of love. THIS is what a suffering person needs.’

Finally – all I can say is that my experience in the ‘wilderness’ of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, while totally crappy for my body, totally transformed by my Christian faith. It was really compelling how such a diminished world opened up such a large view of God.

One big part of that was having the opportunity of reading the Bible in its own framework, not the framework of a church or individuals with their own, often competing and clashing and even narrow agendas. It was often very revealing what I learnt of God and Jesus by reading His Word in the raw. It’s a great exercise to read through the accounts of Jesus’ life in the gospels in their own framework. VERY revealing, and greatly comforting.

It can be REALLY tough to trust that God is still in control and working for our good in ALL circumstances, even and especially the crappy ones, but He assures us that He is, and I’ve known the deep and intimate reality of that.

Carson sums it up well.
‘Prolonged suffering from chronic illness is certainly not a ‘good’ thing – yet rightly accepted – it can breed patience, teach discipline of prayer, generate compassion for others who suffer, engender some reflection and self-knowledge – that knocks out cockiness and the arrogance of condescending impatience’…

‘I cannot tell you – he says – how many times I have visited some ‘senior saint’ who is going through serious suffering, perhaps terminal illness, only to come away – feeling that it was I who benefited from exposure to a believer – who was already living in the felt presence of God’...

Raved on enough.. tks for reading if you’ve made it this far..

Leigh.

So… what do you think?
How would you respond to J.?
Leave a comment below.